I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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