I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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