does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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