i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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