got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
