I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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