just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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