you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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