I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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