wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I want a musical about memes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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