I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
