So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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