I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
