everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He did a backflip because drugs
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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