she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize