i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
