i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
