Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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