Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize