My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
