another moral hangover. fuck.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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