just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
