i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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