Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
