btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
