So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
