no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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