it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
