So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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