It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
