Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
