I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
