I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize