Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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