so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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