If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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