Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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