I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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