i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
