So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's rum buckets o'clock
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
