So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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