Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
