If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
