office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
