puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
