I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
