I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
