dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
