the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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