giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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