Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
