the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
