I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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