At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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