my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize