wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
