Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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