I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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