I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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