can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
