bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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