Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
They took my balls.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
