It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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