FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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