I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize