I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
