You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize