I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
