i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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