phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize