who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize