smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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