If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
we should paint friendship bongs
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