Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
