i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
