i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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